Tuesday, June 4, 2013 -- Rebuilding Family Relationships

Our parents or caregivers are deeply connected to our lives on so many levels. Whether our families are functional or dysfunctional, whether they’ve made a mess of their lives or are a picture of perfection, they are still those who were charged with our care. At one time they may have held us in their arms and hoped and dreamed that our lives would be even better than their own. Parents are deeply vulnerable to hurt from the children in their care. When, by our own hand, our lives are damaged by the effects of addiction, our parents grieve over the pain that we inflict on ourselves, on our spouses, and on their grandchildren. We have the capacity to cause grief, bitter sorrow, shame, and disgrace on our family.

Even if our parents have contributed to our problems, we need to take responsibility for our side of the relationship by doing what we can to make things right with them.  We can live in God's forgiveness and then extend that same forgiveness to our parents and all who have harmed us but we can only do that if we first recognize our wrongs and become willing to make amends. 

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16 NLT)

All parents feel guilty at one time or another about how they have raised their children. Our own parenting skills may have been lacking if our needs were not met during childhood.  Even the most conscientious parents can fail at meeting the needs of each of their children.  As parents we may have been at a loss as how to meet the needs of our children as little ones, as rebellious teenagers, or as adults. We may have been so overwhelmed by our experience of parenting, or absence of parenting, that we still remain in denial about how much this lack of love and guidance affected our children. The truth is, when we fail to provide for our children’s needs, they are hurt.  We can begin to make amends with our children by confessing that we failed them and help them understand that it was not their fault.

As we move forward, we can reaffirm our love for them and let them know that we’re taking steps to change.  We can seek God’s help today in order to grow in God’s grace as a loving supportive parent.  You’ve always been right there for me; don’t turn your back on me now.  Don’t throw me out, don’t abandon me; you’ve always kept the door open.  My father and mother walked out and left me, but God took me in.  Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. (Psalm 27:9-10; Ephesians 6:4 MSG)

On what basis do I approach others to make amends?  What should I have in my heart? What kind of expectations should I be bringing to the encounter?

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