Co-dependency
Thursday May 22, 2014
Co-dependency is a relationship addiction which touches many lives. People with codependency often form relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive, and/or abusive. The co-dependent person bases their identity and personal value on their relationship with another and interacts with them in an unhealthy way.
“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,” says the Lord. “You make plans that are contrary to mine. You make alliances not directed by my Spirit, thus piling up your sins.” (Isaiah 30:1 NLT)
When we try to be everything that another person needs we take the place of God in their lives. Sometimes we give help beyond what we should so that we may be seen to be a person approved of by others. By making another person dependent on us, rather than on God, eliminates God from their lives. This does neither of the persons involved any good for only God can meet each person’s needs.
Some characteristics of co-dependency include:
· An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
· A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
· A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
· A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
· An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
· An extreme need for approval and recognition
· A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
· A compelling need to control others · Lack of trust in self and/or others
· Fear of being abandoned or alone
· Difficulty identifying feelings
· Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
· Problems with intimacy/boundaries
· Chronic anger
· Lying/dishonesty
· Poor communications
· Difficulty making decisions1
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Rather than trying to have our value affirmed and maintained by another person who has limitations just like us, God wants us to identify with, and acknowledge who we are in Christ. The answer to contentment in life is not in controlling someone else so they meet our needs or, trying to please someone so that we can feel secure. Fullness of life and real freedom can only be found when it is rooted in a relationship with our Heavenly Father.
The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: “I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts. (Isaiah 57:15 NLT)
Let God be the restorer of another and of you. He is the only one that knows all our ways.
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