Twelve Steps Step Eight Acknowledging Broken Relationships (1)
Step Eight – Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 8 is emotionally difficult to deal with as it involves looking at the harm we have done to others. For a long time we’ve lived life blaming others for the way they treated us rather than seeing or understanding how our behaviour was having an impact on those around us. The anger we felt towards those who mistreated us may have contributed to our learned behaviour and our subsequent harmful treatment of others. Our reactions to the offences against us are sometimes more deadly to our soul, and to the closest person to us, than the initial actions or negative words of the person who harmed us. Step 8 encourages us to make a list of those we know we have harmed and become willing to make amends to all of them.
“You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill. (Matthew 5:22-23 MSG)
We often spend a lot of time and energy trying to change others and how they are treating us. It’s time to accept the fact that we are powerless to change anyone but ourselves. Change comes when we scrutinize what we are saying and doing today in light of God's word. God will reveal to us the actions that caused us pain and will bring healing to our inmost being. As we confess every hurtful action and word we have done or said, God will forgive and renew us, and perhaps even those we have harmed will be impacted.
It's time to turn from the wounding and the blaming. It’s time to turn to our compassionate Father in heaven who loves us and who is offering to fill our lives with so much good that we will have no more room for bitterness and pain. God, through Jesus, truly is in the business of restoration. This is the basis of a Step 8 list that prepares us to make amends.
Do not say what is wrong in other people’s lives. Then other people will not say what is wrong in your life. Do not say someone is guilty. Then other people will not say you are guilty. Forgive other people and other people will forgive you. (Luke 6:37 NLV)
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