As we recover from addiction, it is emotionally draining for us when we come to the place of having to deal with the harm we have caused others. For a long time, we’ve lived our life blaming others for the way they treated us rather than seeing or understanding how our behaviour was having an impact on those around us. The anger we felt towards those who previously mistreated us may have contributed to our harmful treatment of others. Our reactions to the offences against us are sometimes more deadly to our soul, and to the next person in line, than the original actions or negative words of the person who harmed us. Regardless, Step 8 of Alcoholics Anonymous encourages us to make a list of those we know we have harmed and become willing to make amends to all of them.
You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill. (Matthew 5:22-23 MSG)
Deep rooted unforgiveness results in angry outbursts and rage towards others who come into our lives. Sometimes even those who genuinely love us suffer because of what is going on at a deep level within us. We may feel truly sorry for what we did or said to a person after an abusive outburst, and perhaps even apologized to them, but to fully make amends we need to seek to understand ourselves and what causes us to behave as we do. Unless we come to terms with the root of our problem we will continue to behave in the same way over and over again.
Making amends is a test of our integrity to honour others above ourselves. Let’s consider who we are today and to whom we need to make amends.
©2016 Partners in Hope
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